There was once a time when it had been taboo for a man to not show nobility to a woman. For instance, if a man didn’t stand in front of a door with poise and let a woman enter a room before him while sputtering something as cheesy as, “ladies first,” such a fellow would have been labelled as being barbaric, uncouth, undesirable to any woman filled with grace. But that was seemingly hundreds of years ago. Back then nearly every woman probably used to sit at home, knitting table cloths. They would probably would have been constantly been trying to figure out what was that creepy, black spot on their big toes.
In recent times the latter scenario is much often less the case. In fact, with the exception of Amish people, one might question if any woman on the planet even knits anymore. However, usually when a drastic change occurs in society it is often followed by an even more radical change. Hence, while women have evolved in every aspect of life over the past few decades or so, so too have men.
Oh, how times have changed
It is no longer surprising for a woman to meet a “gentleman” standing in front of a door, staring at the thing as though it’s supposed to magically open. The woman then finds herself frowning before opening the door, only to see the man rushing to step through the entrance before she does. And he may even have the audacity to look her straight in the eyes with a daunting expression.
But then that same woman might only scowl at the guy for a second or so and would then unexpectedly utter, “You look cute. Want to go on a date?” What in the name of holiness is really going on? This is simply the bizarreness of the modern world.
Who pays for what?
So let’s say the pair above actually goes on the date at one of the finest restaurants. They they sit and talk—blah blah blah—and get to know each other as time goes by. The food tastes nice. The wine is fine. But when the waiter finally brings the check both man and woman glare at the foul piece of paper; the four zeroes at the end of the tab isn’t the least bit inviting.
All sorts of thoughts start mingling in each other’s heads. No way I’m paying for that! What does she think it is? Is this a real man? Doesn’t he know he’s the one who’s supposed to pay? No marriage papers has been signed yet and money has already become an issue. Confusion is in the air. How does one decide who pays for what?
The expectation to pay will always be there
Deciding who should take care of the tab could very well end with awkwardness, to say the least. You see, even today it’s still natural for many woman to expect a man to automatically handle the check; she may have been socially conditioned throughout the course of her life.
Women have fought for equality over the years and some now have no problem opening doors for men. This alone proves that not all rules should be held hard and true, especially in ever-changing times. One cannot have it both ways. If in this day and age a woman is adamant that the man must take care of the check, then a man’s easiest counterpoint is to say that if this is the case then all women should give up their jobs and return home to stare at their aging feet.
Who should pay
The above argument does not mean it’s now the woman’s job to handle the check on the first date? It isn’t the man’s job either. Quite frankly, it’s no one’s job because the duty can rotate. Who takes care of the check should be a fair decision; it should never involve petty things like who has the better job or who makes more money? Neither should it involve jovial things like who ate the “bigger half” of the food or who looked hungrier.
The easiest way to know who should more likely pay should depend on who asked who out. The one asking the other to go on the date should be the one willing to handle the bill. But there are exceptions to this rule.
Don’t follow every rule
Not because someone is generous to treat you to a free meal means you should take advantage of their kindness. Someone who orders three lobsters, a six course meal flown in from France and a $2000 bottle of wine at your expense is a person you definitely should not go out on a second date with; the reasons are obvious.
On the other hand, the safest thing for you to do when the check arrives on a first date will always be to just take care of the bill or amiably agree to split it 50/50. Either offer is good because it shows that you’re someone who is spontaneous and empathetic enough to not follow every rule by the book. It also shatters the perception that you might be egotistical and selfish; it could even portray that you place less value on money and are genuinely interested in a solid relationship.
Here’s an interesting tip. After offering or making an effort to pay for a meal at the end of a first date, regardless of what might have been agreed upon before, observe what your date’s reaction is. Stuttering? Silence? An apathetic shrug? They shut their purse or wallet and fold their arms? You’d be surprised to know how much this one question could tell you about the person sitting next to you.
Make each other comfortable
Finally, you should always make it common courtesy that both you and your date agree to spend your day at some place where you’ll both feel comfortable financially and emotionally. If you’re used to only dining at five star restaurants, there’s a higher chance your date won’t be able to help pay for the meal without having to file for bankruptcy by the end of the month.
Most people like the feeling of being able to chip in on a date at some point in time. Note, however, that someone—especially a socially conditioned man—who really wants to get to know a woman on a date, but consistently has to worry about not keeping up with her spending habits may feel out of his league. This is irrespective of whether or not the woman gives him full reassurance that she’ll pay for everything.
First dates don’t have to be the last
It’s the morals and ethics that have long been infused within men and women that constantly lead people to think about questions like, “Who should really pay on the first date?” Surely the answer will be subjective to many people. But upon contemplating further, if the point of dating is that two people might eventually enjoy a perpetual companionship, then does it really matter who pays or doesn’t pay on the first date?
A first date lasts for just a few hours; but what few people are aware of is that sometimes if you can find a way to get past the first of anything, you’ll get to the second, the third, the fourth and the fifth. Eventually you can be led into world filled with opportunities that then allows you to laugh in the face of all first dates.
